Excalibur electronic JK01 User Manual

Excalibur  
Electronics  
Jackies Talking  
Comedy Calculator  
Operating Manual  
www.ExcaliburElectronics.com  
Model No. JK01  
Installing the Batteries  
Your Jackies Talking Comedy doesn’t anybody get the credit for  
Calculator requires three AAA the “regular” screwdriver? Or was  
batteries. They are included.  
it a guy named “Regular”?) Lift  
off the battery compartment lid.  
Install the batteries, making sure  
to match polarity (+ and -).  
To replace the batteries, turn  
Jackies  
Talking  
Comedy  
Calculator over so that the unit is  
face-down on a soft surface. Place the tab of the battery com-  
Please be gentle ... you don’t want partment lid in its slot and close  
it to get a boo-boo. Find the bat- the compartment door. Wonder  
tery compartment on the back of out loud, “Did I put them in  
the unit. I know you can do it. Use right?” Replace the screw and  
a small Phillips screwdriver to gently tighten it. Do your laundry.  
remove the screw. (Who was this Balance your checkbook. Eat  
guy “Phillips,” anyway? Why three balanced meals a day.  
Jackies Talking Comedy Calculator may  
lock up due to static discharge  
or other electrical disturbances.  
If this should happen, use a slim,  
pointed object to press the button  
marked “RESET” on the back of the unit.  
3
Layout of Jackie’s Talking Comedy Calculator  
LCD  
TALKING/  
COMEDY  
ALARM  
TONE/  
JACKIE  
SOUND  
ON/OFF  
AVE JOKE  
DATE  
TIME  
ENCORE  
JOKE  
M-/TIME  
SET  
UNIT/  
DIGIT  
M+/DATE  
SET  
MC/ENTER  
MR/ALARM  
SET  
ALARM  
CLOCK  
CE  
AC  
REPLAY  
WHAT?  
JOKE  
RESET  
(on back)  
4
Button and Switch Functions  
CALCULATOR: The following but-  
then that can be repeated.  
tons are used for calculator func-  
tions: 0-9, +, -, ?, ÷, ·, =, %, CE,  
AC, M+/DATE SET, M-/TIME SET,  
MR/ALARM SET, MC/ENTER and  
UNIT/DIGIT. After seeing how  
many functions there are, you  
may choose to revert to longhand.  
In that case, please re-package  
SOUND: Slide this to turn the  
sound “On” or “Off.” When slid-  
ing from “On” to “Off,” a high-  
pitched “Beep, beep!” is heard,  
and when sliding from “Offto  
“On,” a sound of “Whoa!” is  
heard. When you slide the switch  
from “On” to “Off,” you hurt  
Jackie’s feelings. If you slide the  
switch from “Off ” to “On,” and  
then immediately slide it back  
from “On” to “Off,” you should  
consider finding more productive  
ways of spending your time.  
Jackies  
Talking  
Comedy  
Calculator and give it to your  
brother-in-law for his birthday.  
CLOCK/ALARM CLOCK: The fol-  
lowing buttons are used for clock  
and alarm clock functions: TIME,  
DATE, ALARM CLOCK, M+/DATE SET,  
M-/TIME SET, MR/ALARM SET and  
MC/ENTER. The following button  
cannot be used for any clock or  
alarm clock function, and, in fact,  
cannot be found on the unit:  
Tuna Fish Sandwich.  
TALKING/COMEDY: When the  
TALKING/COMEDY” switch is set  
to “Comedy,” after the unit (mag-  
ically) performs a calculator  
function, and Jackie barks the  
result, he also makes a short com-  
ment. The comments are for the  
most part ridiculous, are meant to  
amuse, and in no way reflect the  
opinions of Excalibur Electronics  
or any of the people who use their  
building for shade on hot days in  
Miami.  
JOKE (the button with the smil-  
ing Jackie cartoon): Press to  
play a joke. Want another one?  
Press it again. Want anoth ... you  
get it.  
WHAT?: Press to play some ran-  
dom silliness. Oh, we’re wacky.  
ALARM TONE/JACKIE: Slide this to  
select the type of alarm sound.  
When sliding from “Jackie” to  
REPLAY: Press to replay the last  
sound. This can be repeated, and  
5
“Tone,” a sound of “Beep, beep”  
RESET: The RESET switch is locat-  
is heard, and when sliding from ed on the back of the unit. (The  
back of the unit is the opposite  
side of the front of the unit.) If  
“Tone” to “Jackie,” a sound of  
“Alarm, alarm, alarm” is heard.  
When sliding on your fanny  
across a wet rubber mat in your  
bathing suit, a sound of “Wheee!”  
is heard.  
Jackies  
Talking  
Comedy  
Calculator locks up or malfunc-  
tions, use a ballpoint pen to press  
RESET. Also press RESET after  
inserting new batteries. And  
please immediately replace the  
batteries if you have just pulled  
this unit out of a 2003 Time  
Capsule. If none of this works,  
please use the same ballpoint pen  
to do your calculations and write  
SAVE JOKE: Press to save a joke  
either while it’s being played or  
after it’s played. The joke will be  
touched that you like it enough to  
keep it around.  
ENCORE JOKE: Press to listen to a  
saved joke. It may sound familiar. your own jokes.  
Using Your Comedy Calculator  
Setting the Clock Time  
you’re about to set the time. And  
we all love reassurance. Don’t be  
nervous, but now, yes, we’re ready  
to set the time.  
After the unit has been reset, the  
display will show the time, start-  
ing at “1 2 -0 0 -0 0 AM.” If the  
unit has not been reset, press the  
TIME button, and the display will  
show the current time. That is, if  
it’s set correctly. Hey ... if it’s set  
correctly, ignore this section and  
go right to the “Gambling Tips”  
section.  
Pressing the TIME button will  
change “AM” to “PM,” and press-  
ing it again will change it back to  
AM.” Obviously, you could do  
this all day. (And then it really  
would change from “AM” to  
“PM”! Hah!)  
Press the M-/TIME SET button, and  
if the sound is on, Jackie’s voice  
The first digit of the time will be  
flashing (“digit” is a fancy word  
will confirm your selection, that for “number”). You may (may I?  
6
yes, you may ... ) change this digit and if the sound is on, Jackies  
(remember?) by pressing any voice will confirm your selection  
number from 0 to 9. This will that you’re about to set the date.  
change the flashing digit to the And we all love to hear we’ve  
number (see? they’re interchange- done something right. Don’t get  
able, and also, you can use either scared, but now, yes, we’re ready  
word instead of the other one) you to set the date.  
selected, and make the next digit  
The first digit/number of the date  
start flashing. I have no idea how  
will be flashing. You may change  
we got it to do that, but just enjoy.  
this number/digit by pressing any  
Continue changing each digit number from 0 to 9. This will  
until you reach the last digit, change the flashing (!) digit to the  
hopefully entering the correct number you selected and make  
time as you plod through this the next digit start flashing (that  
process.  
impresses me every time).  
Press MC/ENTER to confirm your Continue changing each digit  
changes. (In our application, until you reach the last digit. Press  
you’ll note that “flashing” is not  
MC/ENTER to confirm your  
an offensive term.) And always changes if at the end you some-  
remember ... even a stopped clock how have entered the correct date.  
is right twice a day.  
If you’re wondering where you  
Setting the Clock Date  
can find out what the date is so  
After the unit has been reset, the you can set Jackies Talking  
display will show the date starting Comedy Calculator, I guess it’s a  
at 1-1-2003. If the unit has not good thing you got yourself (or  
been reset, press the DATE button, somebody else got you) one of  
and the display will show the cur- these gadgets. From now on,  
rent date. That is, if it’s set cor- you’ll always know the date. That  
rectly. Hey ... if it’s set correctly, is, if you ever find out what the  
ignore this section and go right to date is and set the thing.  
the “Shaving Your Pet Mammals”  
section.  
Playing the Clock Time  
Press the TIME button to see the  
Press the M+/DATE SET button, currently set time. If the sound is  
7
on, Jackies voice will giggle days, he’ll say something differ-  
through a squeaky clean com- ent, but the same way (!).  
ment, and then spout the time.  
Setting the Alarm Clock Time  
Then you can say, “It’s time to get  
When the time or date is dis-  
funnier comments.” Jackie will  
played on the LCD, press  
MR/ALARM SET to activate the  
say the time differently depending  
on the time of day (duh). That is,  
alarm. I know setting your alarm  
if the time is exactly on the hour,  
clock is an unpleasant task, but  
he will announce “one PM” for 1  
try to smile and think about stuff  
PM (when it’s 12 PM “twelve  
you enjoy, about the good things  
noon” will be heard, and when its  
in your life.  
12 AM Jackie will say “twelve  
The display will show the time,  
midnight” ... oh, he’s good). If the  
starting at 12-00 AM. Pressing the  
time is between 1 and 9 minutes  
TIME button will change the time  
on the hour, he will announce  
to PM, while pressing it again will  
“one oh three PM” for 1:03 PM. If  
change it back to AM. (Doo dah,  
the time is greater than 9 minutes  
doo dah.)  
on the hour, he will announce  
“one ten PM” for 1:10 PM. The  
seconds on the time display will  
not be announced, because by the  
time you say them, it’s wrong  
already.  
The first digit of the time will be  
flashing ... flashing ... flashing.  
You may change this digit by  
pressing any number from 0 to 9.  
The choices, my friend, are all  
yours. This will change the flash-  
ing digit to the number you select-  
ed and make the next digit start  
flashing. Every doggone time.  
Playing the Clock Date  
Press the DATE button to get a date  
with the person of your dreams.  
Kidding. Press the DATE button to  
see the currently set date. If the  
sound is on, Jackie’s voice will  
announce the date. Jackie will say  
the date as “Wednesday, January  
one, two thousand and three (or  
two thousand three or twenty oh  
Continue changing each digit  
until you reach the last digit. Press  
the ALARM CLOCK button to set  
the alarm. The icon “ALARM  
ON” will display on the LCD.  
Press the ALARM CLOCK button  
three)” for 1-1-2003. On other again to turn off the alarm. (This  
8
is a vital step if you want to sleep power-off mode.  
through important appointments.)  
Calculator Functions  
To use the calculator, enter the  
entire first number, then the oper-  
ator (¸ , x, -, +) then the entire  
second number, and finally the  
“Equals” (=) sign to get the  
answer. When the “Sound” is  
“On,” Jackie will announce your  
results differently based on  
whether you have selected the  
“Digit” or “Unit” function.  
IMPORTANT: You can only turn  
the alarm on and off while in the  
alarm clock set mode.  
After setting the alarm, press  
MC/ENTER to confirm your  
choices. IMPORTANT: Visit  
and get some more of our joke  
gadgets. Pressing and holding the  
ALARM CLOCK button after exit-  
ing the alarm set mode will dis-  
play the time the alarm is set for.  
When the alarm goes off, the  
alarm sound will be heard even if  
the “Sound” switch is set to “Off.”  
When the ALARM TONE/JACKIE  
switch is set to “Tone” and the  
alarm goes off, a high-pitched  
“Beep, beep” is heard. When the  
ALARM TONE/JACKIE switch is set  
to “Jackie” and the alarm goes  
off, 11 different sounds will be  
randomly heard.  
For example, if you pressed the  
UNIT button and “DIG” is dis-  
played on the LCD, when you  
divide 99 by 9 (enter “99,” then  
press the “Divided By” [÷] key,  
then enter “9,” and finally the  
“Equals” sign [=] ), Jackie will  
announce the answer “11” as  
“One, one.”  
When the UNIT button has been  
pressed, and “UNIT” is displayed  
on the LCD, then when you divide  
99 by 9, Jackie will announce the  
answer “11” as “Eleven.” Unless  
our gizmo miscalculates.) If that  
should occur, please call your  
favorite uncle and talk about the  
highlights, if there were any, of  
your childhood.)  
When the alarm goes off, pressing  
any button or sliding any switch  
or smashing the unit with the heel  
of a shoe will turn off the alarm. If  
the alarm is not turned off, after  
five minutes (if the neighbors  
haven’t broken in and shut it off The display can hold only 10 dig-  
first), the unit will go into auto its. If you enter more than 10 dig-  
9
its, Jackie will announce your ously entered values or functions.  
number, but it will not be dis-  
played on the LCD and will not be  
used in any calculation. Jackies  
Talking Comedy Calculator will  
wait patiently for you to stop  
showing off and get back to work.  
The ALL CLEAR (AC) button clears  
all values that have been previous-  
ly entered.  
Percent Function  
The PERCENT (% ) button is used  
to get percentages of a number.  
For example, if you want to find  
out what 85 percent of 360 is,  
press the ALL CLEAR (AC) button,  
then enter 360, then MULTIPLY BY  
(X), then 85 and then the PERCENT  
(% ) button. The answer will be  
306.  
Memory Functions  
The MEMORY PLUS (M+) button  
adds the number currently dis-  
played to the currently stored  
number. If the memory is empty,  
it places the displayed value in  
memory and the memory indica-  
tor (M) will appear in the display.  
The MEMORY MINUS (M-) button  
subtracts the number currently  
displayed from the number al-  
ready stored. If the memory is  
empty, it places the displayed  
value as a negative number in  
memory and the memory indica-  
tor (M) will appear in the display.  
The MEMORY RECALL (MR) button  
replaces the currently displayed  
number with the value in memory.  
The MEMORY CLEAR (MC) button  
clears the memory and removes  
the memory indicator (M) from  
the display.  
Playing Jokes  
Press the JOKE button and the  
number of the joke will display on  
the LCD for three seconds as  
Jackie tells it to you. Each of the  
72 gut-busting jokes will random-  
ly play before a joke is repeated.  
Pressing the REPLAY button will  
replay the last joke. Eventually,  
just saying the numbers will be  
enough to evoke hysterical laugh-  
ter. For a transcript of the jokes,  
play them over and over as you  
type them.  
Saving Jokes  
Press the SAVE JOKE button either  
during or after a joke to save that  
Clear Functions  
The CLEAR ENTRY (CE) button  
deletes the currently displayed joke. Jackie will then say, “Thats  
value. It does not clear any previ- one (or “That’s two,” up to ten),”  
10  
and then tell a joke. The number idea to take pen in hand and jot  
of the saved joke (1 through 10) down your memoirs.  
will display on the LCD. A maxi-  
Setting the Volume  
mum of 10 jokes can be saved.  
You may set the volume of the  
(After that, you’ll have to engage  
unit only while a joke is being  
played. Press the PLUS (+) button  
to increase the volume and the  
a body part we’ll hereafter refer to  
as your brain.)  
MINUS (-) button to decrease the  
volume (bet you could’ve figured  
that out, eh, mate?)  
When you save the eleventh joke,  
the first saved joke will be deleted  
so the last joke may be added. If  
you try to save a joke thats  
already been saved, Jackie will  
tell you it’s not allowed (because  
it’s already in there, you knuckle-  
head) and short sheet your bed.  
There are five loudness levels,  
where one is the softest and five is  
the loudest. Each level is dis-  
played on the LCD as two dashes,  
so Level One shows as “- - ,”  
Level Two as “- - - - ,” on up to  
Level Five as “- - - - - - - - - -.” So  
... it follows that eight dashes is  
Level Four.  
Replaying Saved Jokes  
Press the ENCORE JOKE button to  
replay the saved jokes. You’ll start  
at the first saved joke and contin-  
ue to the tenth joke, if you have  
that kind of time. After the tenth  
joke, you’ll start over with the  
first joke. Eventually, you’ll get  
back to whatever it is you’re sup-  
posed to be doing.  
Isn’t it funny that you may need  
the calculator to figure out how  
loud the calculator is?  
The incredibly unique “What?”  
Function  
Pressing the WHAT? button will  
play one of Jackies 84 silly  
sounds or sayings. None will  
repeat until all are played, or  
they’ll be sent to bed without din-  
ner. While the sound is playing,  
you may press any button to turn  
Deleting all of the Saved Jokes  
Press the SAVE JOKE and ENCORE  
JOKE buttons at the same time for  
three seconds to delete all the  
saved jokes. Pressing the RESET  
button will also delete all of the  
saved jokes. When the saved jokes it off, or simply run out of the  
are all deleted, it would be a good room. Pressing the REPLAY button  
11  
will repeat the last sound.  
Press any button or slide any  
switch to wake the unit up and  
return to the time mode.  
Auto Power Off  
If no key is pressed for three min-  
utes, the unit will display the cur- My Personal Guarantee  
rent time. If no key is pressed for I promise I will enjoy spending  
a total of five minutes, the unit the money you blew on this thing.  
will automatically turn off in  
order to spare your batteries. It  
will feel neglected, and perhaps  
eventually file for a separation.  
Seriously, thanks a lot ...  
Jackie Martling  
Long Island, N.Y., 2003  
If no button is pushed for five minutes,  
your Calculator will turn off to save  
your batteries. Just push any button  
to wake the unit up.  
Special Care & Handling  
Avoid rough handling such as bumping or dropping.  
Avoid moisture and extreme temperatures. For best results, use between the  
temperatures of 39ºF and 100ºF (4º C and 38º C.)  
Clean using only a slightly damp cloth. Do not use cleaners with chemical  
agents.  
Battery Information  
Batteries should be installed or replaced only by an adult.  
The Comedy Calculator uses 3 AAA batteries, included.  
Do not mix alkaline, standard (carbon-zinc) or rechargeable (nickel-cadmi-  
um) batteries.  
Do not mix old and new batteries.  
Do not use rechargeable batteries.  
Remove exhausted batteries from the unit.  
Do not short circuit battery terminals.  
Remove batteries and store them in a cool, dry place when not in use.  
To avoid explosion or leakage, do not dispose of batteries in a fire or attempt  
to recharge alkaline or other non-rechargeable batteries.  
Due to continuing improvements, actual  
product may differ slightly from the  
product described herein.  
13  
90-Day Limited Warranty  
EXCALIBUR  
ELECTRONICS,  
not allow limitations on the duration  
INC., warrants to the original con-  
sumer that its products are free from  
any electrical or mechanical defects  
for a period of 90 DAYS from the date  
of purchase. If any such defect is dis-  
covered within the warranty period,  
of implied warranties and do not  
allow exclusion of incidental or con-  
sequential damages, so the above lim-  
itations and exclusions in these  
instances may not apply.  
The only authorized service center in  
the United States is:  
EXCALIBUR  
ELECTRONICS,  
INC., will repair or replace the unit  
free of charge upon receipt of the  
unit, shipped postage prepaid and  
insured to the factory address shown  
at right.  
Excalibur Electronics, Inc.  
13755 SW 119th Ave  
Miami, Florida 33186 U.S.A.  
Phone: 305.477.8080  
Fax: 305.477.9516  
The warranty covers normal con-  
sumer use and does not cover damage  
that occurs in shipment or failure that  
results from alterations, accident,  
misuse, abuse, neglect, wear and tear,  
inadequate maintenance, commercial  
use, or unreasonable use of the unit.  
Removal of the top panel voids all  
warranties. This warranty does not  
cover cost of repairs made or attempt-  
ed outside of the factory.  
Ship the unit carefully packed, prefer-  
ably in the original carton, and send it  
prepaid, and adequately insured.  
Include a letter, detailing the com-  
plaint and including your daytime  
telephone number, inside the shipping  
carton.  
If your warranty has expired and you  
want an estimated fee for service,  
write to the above address, specifying  
the model and the problem.  
Any applicable implied warranties,  
including warranties of merchantabil-  
ity and fitness, are hereby limited to  
90 DAYS from the date of purchase.  
Consequential or incidental damages  
resulting from a breach of any appli-  
cable express or implied warranties  
are hereby excluded. Some states do  
PLEASE DO NOT SEND  
YOUR UNIT WITHOUT  
RECEIVING AN ESTIMATE FOR  
SERVICING. WE CANNOT  
STORE YOUR UNIT!  
15  
Excalibur Electronics, Inc.  
13755 SW 119th Ave  
Miami, Florida 33186 U.S.A.  
Phone: 305.477.8080  
Fax: 305.477.9516  
Play games live at:  

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